Should couples have separate rooms?

Amina Alhassan

Last week, a lady asked a question many couples are familiar with. “I want to know if it is good for couples to have separate rooms. If yes, can you give any reason? I am asking this because a friend of mine told me that her husband asked her to get out of his room because they had a misunderstanding. She stayed away from his room for weeks and the grudge grew deeper, which later led to her resenting him. The bottom line is that they gradually grew apart because the wife (out of pride) decided not to go back to his room until he asked her to.”

Maryam Idris, 42-year-old teacher says, “I do not think it is right but as they say different strokes for different folks. A one room apartment leaves you with no option but to face each other no matter what you are going through. Separate room means a partner can go into his or her room and lock the door. This isn’t healthy for any relationship.”

Amina Abdullahi, 38-year-old pharmacist says, “I dislike separate rooms; it’s not ideal. I am of the opinion that same room remains the best for married couples. It is difficult to hide things (secrets) when you are in the same room. Being in separate rooms give room and space for distractive and destructive actions.”

Mercy Emeh, 39-year-old consultant, believes separate rooms are okay only if properly utilized.  “They could have separate rooms because women will always have so many things that could be disturbing to men. When I say many things, I mean too much clothes, shoes, bags, veils, name it. Not all men can tolerate such amount of belongings. So, yes the woman can have her room for her stuff but maintain her bed and definitely sleep in the hubby’s room every night. When you sleep on the same bed, conflicts end faster. I am speaking from experience after trying both methods.”

Ramatu Hassan, 43-year-old doctor, says “It totally depends on the level of maturity of both individuals. That the room is the hubby’s does not mean he should walk her out. Maturity is of the essence. Partners should always be ready to overcome pride and ego in dealing with each other. The primary reason I advocate for having separate rooms is to avoid clutter other than that I am an advocate for same room. It’s hard to share a room and grow apart. It also improves the intimacy, friendship and gossiping between a couple. In my opinion separate rooms allows an argument or misunderstanding to widen.”

Bimpe Folayan, 40-year-old nurse, says “It depends on what the husband and wife agree on. However in my own opinion, I see nothing wrong in having separate bedrooms; I for one believe that every human being should have his or her own space irrespective of marital status. My husband and I understand this. The pressure of marriage most times can be quite overwhelming so I escape to my room to let off steam; manage the stress and possibly renew my resolve to continue to face the challenges of the home front. So having separate bedrooms has really helped me in my marriage and I won’t have it any other way.”