When spanking isn’t discipline

Children are bound to make mistakes or be stubborn, and naturally the first instinct parents get is to spank the child. Many have though argued that flogging or spanking a child does more harm than good, while others also believe that sparing the rod eventually results in spoiling the child. Womanhood takes a look at how best to caution a teenager.

A mother asks “I have a 15- year-old child who is very stubborn. His dad and I have beaten him but nothing seems to change his character and attitude. What other ways can a teenager be disciplined?”

Temitope Balogun, 39-year-old mother of three, says “In my opinion, beating is the worst form of training a child. The training method of flogging a child has failed and if nothing is done quickly, he might never take the shape of his parent’s good desire for him anymore because he is almost a grown man. Now, you must do everything to gain his confidence back, which you and his dad failed to understand and gain by being nice to him in the face of his current insubordination. Finally, there is a God factor in the training of children of nowadays and that must be recognized.”

Favour Samauel, 40-year-old civil servant, says “First, any parent that believes in flogging a child in order to correct him must admit that they have failed in the first most important steps in training a child. The most important step between a parent and their child is the establishment of a real friendship bond. We need to understand that children tend to open up to us as parents when we respect their views and understand them and not behave negatively towards them and beat at every slight provocation.  A lot of patience is required when dealing with teenagers.”

Habiba Tahir, 41-year-old medical personnel, says “The most difficult and challenging period for any parent when it comes to training a child is when they are teenagers. From age 13 to 19 are the most difficult years to deal with this group of people.  The kind of upbringing a child was given in his younger years usually manifest in these years. Correcting a child doesn’t automatically translate to beating the child always because ironically they get used to the beating and can take it when you decide to give it to them. There are other ways to correct and discipline a child but the most important is doing it out of love knowing you’re trying to mold him/her into a better person in future.”

Maimuna Sani, 38-year-old PR consultant, asks “As a parent has she tried to listen to her son’s problems? Has she sat down to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him? As parents, we should try listening more to our teenagers. Teenagers get rebellious when they are trying to say something and have to act it out by being rebellious. Beating him always will only make him more rebellious. He’s in his teens, what he needs as this point of his life is counseling and not frequent beating. Flogging any child especially excessively is not the best way of correcting any child. The most important of all is treating her with unconditional love and counseling.”