Most people see their partners as being caring because of the compliments, helping with household chores, gifts and little pep talks they get from them. On the other hand many assume and believe that money is all a man needs to provide to show he cares for and loves his partner.
A lady who prefers to remain anonymous explains; “My husband has never complimented me no matter how beautiful I dress to impress him or even the food I cook for him. He never assists with house chores even when I am sick. Funny enough when I complained that he doesn’t appreciate me, his response hit me real hard. He said, ‘After all I give you money for everything you need, that is enough reason to show I care’. Well, I had to tell him that, that wasn’t caring but taking up his responsibility. I may be wrong but does giving me money for the family upkeep also count as being caring?”
Victoria Emeka, 39-year-old pharmacist, says “The lady in question is not wrong but rather has a husband who sees caring from an entirely different angle. From his own point of view, he sees care from the angle of providing for the family. In my view, her husband cares but doesn’t really know how to go about it as he lacks the basic knowledge on what makes his wife happy and how to show it. On a larger scale, the society today believes that money replaces emotion and care. But in the nut shell, money is a far cry from appreciating your wife or partner. It only plays a small role.”
Mukhtar Ahmed, 43-year-old financial analyst, is of the opinion that men always get it wrong when it comes to showing care. “Here is where some men get it wrong. I always tell my friends that if its money alone, then many women would have gotten married to husbands who only had money to offer them and not want to start life from the scratch with someone who has nothing. Providing money alone is not enough to show that you care and love your wife. You have to show some emotional appreciation towards her. In my opinion, that is the most important thing for women. Women are different and a man should provide as well as care for his family which includes his wife. Caring involves emotion which has a far reaching effect on women. Any man who thinks money can cover up for everything is just inviting trouble as someone else will take up the responsibility of appreciating her.”
Habiba Aliyu, 38-year- old lawyer, says “It is a pity that materialism and money are the main things people have defined as the hallmark of a man. The society has defined a man as the one with the role of providing for the family and this role has made every male feel a sense of inadequacy if he can’t provide for his family. So when a man is able to provide for his family, he feels he has done all that is expected of him. On the other hand, women also grew up with the mindset of a man being the sole provider for the family. So they judge a man by his capacity to provide. Now, when they see a man with the big job and cars and money, he is automatically man enough to marry, and many ladies marry such men without considering other qualities needed in a husband. Men should understand that showing care is different from providing money for the family’s upkeep.”
Jamila Ahmed, an entrepreneur, believes money is the best thing you can get from a man in this part of the world. “I would advise her to collect the money he provides and take care of the home and stop complaining about lack of romance or attention. In Nigeria, when a man keeps and provides for you, he is the best. You are lucky that he is responsible.The typical traditional African man believes his role is only to provide for the family while the wife does house chores alone even when she is ill. This is the reality in which we live in, though most of us would want to deny it.”
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