The sweet life of Dame and Andy

With only his bedside lamp on, the room was in virtual darkness. I was therefore greatly surprised, when I quietly slipped into my side of the bed, to see Tahir turn over and hand me his phone.

‘I thought you were deep asleep.’ I said, taking the phone from him. ‘And what is this? I asked looking at the video showing in the phone I held in my hand.

‘Just increase the volume and you’ll get the message.’ He replied.

I did as he suggested and heard the sound of Karyn White’s 90s hit ‘Superwoman’ at just the point of the chorus:

‘I’m not your superwoman,

I’m not the kind of girl,

that you can let down

and think that everything’s okay

Boy I am only human

This girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me.’

I lowered the volume and looked at Tahir before saying ‘This isn’t the kind of music you play when you are in this kind of mood. I know it’s one of my old favourites but it sounds more rebellious than romantic.’ I observed.

‘Yes, that’s the idea. Its my way of saying “happy women’s day” to you. After all what Ms White is saying is what you all women are saying, in different ways, on the 8th of March every year. From the fiery feminists to the moderate ones and even the closet feminists, all of you seem to agree on one thing. That you need more, we are giving less and you are tired of suffering this inequality. In fact everything this singer sings is a reflection of what you, modern women, would like to day to our faces.’ Tahir explained.

‘Really? But isn’t it amazing that for someone who hardly remembers birthdays and wedding anniversaries, you readily recall and mark world women’s day? Is it because that’s an opportunity to tell me we are fighting a losing battle, that it will always be a man’s world?’ I queried.

‘There you go Bint. The one time I tried to mark something before I was reminded, you find fault with it. No wonder some men believe women are eternal ingrates, I don’t blame them. Anyway I only remembered because it’s all over the media. You yourself might have noticed how it’s been over hyped in both the social and the traditional media. That’s why I decided to celebrate it with you by playing a solidarity song for you. I know that if Karyn Whyte had sang this song after International Women’s Day was launched by the UN, it would have been your anthem. But she recorded it much earlier. Anyway since you are not the least impressed, let me have my phone and go to sleep.’ He demanded, reaching out for it.

‘I’m truly sorry Hubby dearest. I really appreciate your show of solidarity on our day. It’s just that I was all worked up over other things and didn’t know what to feel right now. I mean people who were caught having robbed this country dry, still seem to have the audacity to make crazy demands. That’s what’s worrying me.’ I submitted.

‘I don’t understand, what people do you mean?’ He asked.

‘I was clearing my room of unwanted stuff when I stumbled on these newspapers. They are a few days old. One of them has the headline that the former NNPC boss is asking for the money found in his house to be returned to him. And I couldn’t help marvelling at his rare brand of courage. Here was a man caught with almost ten million dollars and over 70 thousand pounds Sterling in his house. Almost everything about the money and the way it was hidden showed that it might be the proceeds of crime. Yet instead of Mr Andrew Yakubu to allow proper investigation to take place in order to prove his guilt or otherwise, he has the audacity to ask for the money to be returned to him now. Honestly I couldn’t believe what I was reading. The man has an abundance of guts.’ I cried.

‘What do you expect, the man said the money was given to him by friends, over a period of five years, during certain ceremonies and occasions. Do you then expect him to fold his arms and watch while government agencies are calling it stolen funds? He has to fight back. It is probably corruption fighting back.’ Tahir offered.

‘But do you think the whooping sum could really be a gift from friends?’ I asked.

‘What kind of friends give gifts like that Bint? And for what reason? I mean the man is a highly-placed Nigerian official, why should friends just go out of their way to enrich so?’ Tahir asked rhetorically.

‘In many ways I think he is borrowing a line from Dame Patience Jonathan’s script. When 15 million dollars was found in her accounts, the former First lady said they were gift from friends which she saved over a period of 15 years. But like you said what kind of friends give such gifts to people already favoured in life? I mean both Andrew Yakubu and Dame Patience might not have been silver spoons at birth nut they rose to high stations in life and became rich and influential. Why then would friends add to their sweet lives by giving them all these monies? It doesn’t add up both of them must be taking us for fools.’ I said.

‘And you must remember that Dame Jonathan also said she wanted her money back. So when it comes to courage over probable loot, it’s not only Andrew that takes the prize.’ Tahir remarked.

‘You are right, these two seem to have a lot more in common when you look closely at them. Both are overweight with obvious pot bellies. Both hid huge sums of money, possibly ill-gotten when their kinsmen and other compatriots are dying of poverty. Both claimed that the loot was gift and both have the uncommon audacity to demand the money back before investigations are over. They are so alike they actually remind me of Zack and Cody.’ I declared, smiling.

‘Zack and who? Who are they?’ He asked.

‘I often forget that you never join us to watch children programmes. Zack and Cody are identical twin characters in a Disney comedy series called ‘The suite life of Zack and Cody.’ Now that we are looking closely at the characteristics of Dame and Andrew, they seem to be turning identical too.’ I joked.

‘Maybe they are, but at least the thought brought back the smile on your face. For a while I thought the night had been ruined by the issue you dragged onto our bed. However I can see that all isn’t lost yet. So it’s time to switch this off and celebrate.’ And with that he put off the bedside lamp.