As mortality creeps up on Mugabe

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Ordinarily, it would be funny. But there is nothing ordinary or funny about President Robert Mugabe and his Zimbabwe. His wife, Grace, told a rally last week: “One day when God decides that Mugabe dies we will have his corpse appear as a candidate on the ballot paper.”

A dictator’s wife is usually the best source of his inner thoughts. I am inclined to believe the first lady spoke the inner thought of her husband. The president must have given some serious thoughts to his mortality. At 93, the grim reaper could not be too far from the door of his presidential mansion. The idea of his retiring and spending his golden years as an elder statesman and father of the nation must be positively repugnant to him. 

I would imagine he worked out a way to cheat death and decided that being indispensable to his country and since he is not powerful enough to over ride God’s decision as to when he must go, he could maintain the cult of his indispensability by making the people elect his corpse as president. That way, he would continue to rule for ever. A corpse does not die, you know.

Zimbabwe’s next presidential election comes up in 2018. Mugabe will surely contest as the permanent and sole presidential candidate of Zanu-PF. We do not know for now if he would contest the presidential election as a human being or as a corpse. If, as a human being, there would be nothing unusual about that. He has succeeded himself in every presidential election in his country since 1987. If, as a corpse, he would be setting a new standard in the indiscretion of the African Big Man.

My advice is, let us keep your fingers crossed. Mugabe might likely exceed himself and become the first president in history to have his corpse continue in office. He wants to defy death and continue in office in death. It would be interesting to see how his corpse takes critical presidential decisions and meets with other African and world leaders. 

If Mugabe succeeds, we can be sure some other African leaders would put up their corpses to contest presidential elections. Perish the thought.

President Robert Gabriel Mugabe has 37 years of absolute rule under his belt. He qualifies easily as the cardinal of the African Big Men, also known as African strong men. These men have managed to turn their love of power into pseudo love of their countries. Mrs Mugabe told the rally that Zimbabweans would vote for her husband’s corpse out of their love for him. She said: “You will see people voting for Mugabe as a corpse. I am seriously telling you just to show people how people love their president.” See? Don’t laugh.

Robert Mugabe emerged from the bush as a freedom fighter in 1980. He put an end to Ian Smith’s unilateral declaration of independence nonsense and sent the puppet prime minister, Bishop Abel Muzorewa into political oblivion. He parlayed his authentic freedom and African hero status into a political reward. No one begrudged him when he was elected prime minister that year. He turned the country into an executive presidential system in 1987 and was again elected the first president. He has won every presidential election since 1987. 

Mugabe, born on February 21, 1924, is 93 years old. He is no longer a spring chicken, even as he survives on flattering himself as a young and agile man. Mortality inevitably closes in on him, as indeed, it does on all mortals. He intends to cling to power until the end comes. It seems to me that the man is more afraid of the country he would one day leave behind than of his mortality. All dictators do, at the last minute, come to this lonely regret that nothing lasts forever and that mortality is a spoiler.

In his 37 years as absolute ruler, Mugabe has virtually destroyed his country. The economy is a disaster; the country’s currency is almost a worthless piece of security printed paper. He has devastated the opposition political parties. Now, he fears that men like the very articulate and knowledgeable Morgan Tsvangira, who won the president election against him some years ago, would still be here when his own call comes from above. And when they win the presidential election against Mugabe’s corpse, you can be sure that Mugabe’s carefully cultivated legacy would find itself in the dust bin, a cruel reminder that leaders who do not know when to quit would turn out to be the ultimate losers when the end comes. Mugabe’s once heroic and patriotic status has turned into a rotten egg. This is a greater pity than you might suppose. Green for power has denied many an African leader the right to live and die authentic heroes. Because of his greed for power, Mugabe’s years in the bush today count for nothing. He has rubbished them.

Unfortunately, we cannot save the African strongmen. They have cocooned themselves in a cult of indispensability. They are not just intoxicated with power; they are pitiable prisoners of power. They typify those who ride on the back of tigers. They fear dismounting lest the beasts eat them up. The cult of indispensability is the curse of the African strong men. Ask Yahaya Jammeh. He ruled The Gambia for 22 years. He thought he had become an African big man and, therefore, indispensable to his country. He was sadly mistaken. He lives to regret his folly in exile.

I need say no more.